When the “Boys Will be Boys” kills

Translated by Mariateresa Tauro

When the “Boys Will be Boys” kills, Gender-based violence begins in childhood.

Figures show a horrible scenario: in Italy, every 72 hours, a woman is killed by somebody close to her or who claimed to love her.

The idea that considers this situation as a mere casualty has been denied by several studies. It’s none other than the violent peak of a toxic culture that started long before the final tragedy. Actually, it’s a process that accompanies women from childhood through minimisation.

Despite speeches about equality, ongoing struggles and demonstrations, gender stereotypes continue to be perpetuated in environments such as schools and families. According to ISTAT (the Italian National Institute of Statistics), a large number of young Italian women minimise their partners’ aggressive behaviours because they are socially normalised. Some examples, like jealousy, prevarication, insults or teasing, are taken for jokes or for teenage stages or, even worse, for interest.

How often have we heard sentences like: “Boys will be boys, there’s nothing we can do”, or “If he is mean to you, it's because he's interested in you”?

This type of minimisation is not harmless: it creates a breeding ground for unbalanced relations, where psychological violence may spread without being identified.  Manipulation, control, and social isolation: all forms of abuse that leave invisible scars and, in the worst cases, pave the way for the future minimisation of violence.

Femicide: a gender-specific crime

It is not a “general murder”: femicide is a precise phenomenon. In Italy, 77 femicides have already been recorded in 2025, in addition to 68 attempted murders reported by the news, out of a total of 91 cases of deaths caused by gender-based violence. That’s neither sudden insanity nor a rash decision: it’s the result of control- and possession-based relations and the inability to manage their own emotions.

Considering them as “isolated examples” is a common error. Actually, it is a system that branches out into other forms of violence that were previously present.

Psychological violence leaves a permanent mark

Gaslighting, isolation, insults and manipulation do not provoke bruises, but leave deep traumas. Lots of victims show PTSD symptoms (post-traumatic stress disorder), anxiety and depression, even when the abuse is not physical. It’s not only an individual problem, but also a cultural one: it is fueled by a society that minimises, justifies and often redefines the abuse responsibility.

European and Italian trends

According to EIGE, femicide in Europe is stable; however, in many other countries, including Italy, 2024 figures show a slight rise in the registered cases.  The law alone is not enough: without cultural change and educational prevention, violence continues to be repeated generation after generation.

The 25th of November must not be only a day of remembrance, but also an occasion to ask for a change.

Safe school environments that teach respect, families that do not minimise the issue, and a society that is ready to recognise violence before it is too late. A serious emotional education, which is still underestimated and often discredited by politics, is needed.

But be careful: this education is not “only for girls”.

Also men suffer psychological and coercive violence (often manifested in insults, control, threats, manipulation) and too often they are not recognised as victims.

Teaching healthy, equal and respectful relationships from childhood means dismantling the culture of possession in order to prevent psychological abuse and protect everyone, regardless of gender.

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